Shit Ruby Says
Jul 15
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Ruby:
...I just accidentally got orange juice in my own ear.
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Ruby:
I wish I hadn't thrown away my snot butterfly.
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Ruby:
I would mail it to you.
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Ruby:
Song idea: Summertiiiiime and the mall cops are easy.
Jul 14
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Ruby:
Oh my lord. omg. Some girl just pulled down her shirt and bra in the middle of the store so her friend could take a pic of her boob job.
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Ruby:
AHH THEY JUST HAD TO RETAKE THE PHOTO THIS IS MORE NUDITY THAN I BARGAINED FOR TODAY.
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Ruby:
Blew my nose and the snot looked like a butterfly!
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Ruby:
Dude this morning they were playing that song about it being friday night, it's like dude it's monday morning.
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Ruby:
I might spend too much time watching the ice rink, I dreamed I was ice skating last night.
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Ruby:
My lord I am ready to kill myself. I've still got like four and a half hours left to go.
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Ruby:
If i ever got pregnant by a South America, naming my son amigo.
Jul 13
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Ruby:
Dude, my lord, this morning I remembered the funniest thing.
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Ruby:
Indian pants are mostly cotton, with a drawstring to hol them up. So I had just gotten to India, and was wearing drawstring pants, had to pee SO bad, but they were tied in an insanely tight monster knot and I tried to untie them so hard by I couldn't and I had to pee for something like 7 hours until I couldn't stand it anymore and I literally hulked my way out of my pants, shredded them with my bare hands off of my body, and after I peed I was like, fuck, now I don't have any pants.
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Ruby:
..I keep accidentally gleeking when I yawn now which is all the time cause I stayed up all night practicing gleeking. Circle of death shit right there.
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Ruby:
I gleeked on my library book! Which, I should mention is the fourth book I've read in 4 days.
Jul 12
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Ruby:
...when you don't reply immediately sometimes I assume it's cause you're busy updating tumblr, and I get all paranoid and I'm like "Ruby, you best check yoself before you wreck yoself"
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Ruby:
...or that you're sucking face. O.O
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Ruby:
I think I'm on the verge of learning to gleek, like y'know, squirting spit out of your mouth?
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Me:
DUDE I CAN SO DO THAT.
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Ruby:
I'm real proud, I've aspired to this for years.
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Ruby:
No. Way.
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Ruby:
My tongue ring was crucial to this discovery.
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Ruby:
It's already improving my life for the better.
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Ruby:
I can now do it whenever I want..if I'm yawning..
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Ruby:
....just accidentally drooled all over myself..yeah I'm lying in bed practicing my gleeking, nbd.
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Me:
AHAHAHHA OMFG Marc and I are dying right now.
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Ruby:
Sluuuut
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Ruby:
Next time I see you, Ima gleek in yo face.
Jul 11
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Ruby:
WHAT KIND OF BEES MAKE MILK?
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Me:
....
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Ruby:
BOOBEES.
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Me:
Ruby that's not funny..
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Ruby:
No, I don't need water, I've got beer.
Jun 20
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Ruby:
So I decided last night that drinking more would cure the remnants of my hangover...which it did, temporarily :(
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Me:
Ruby...That is not your brightest moment.
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Ruby:
Ima go ahead and blame peer pressure. I only had like three shots and...4 beers? I was so far behind everyone, my friend was at 9 shots when I left.
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Ruby:
My other friend didn't know how much he'd had because he drinks his vodka by the glass...
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Ruby:
#Exchangie parties.
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Ruby:
Dude, still so nauseous. Do you think thai food will help?
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Me:
no haha.
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Ruby:
Thai food did great things for my hangover.
Jun 19
The morning after..
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Ruby:
OH MY LORD I JUST THREW UP A LITTLE IN MY MOUTH BECAUSE WALKING MADE ME MOTION SICK. I DON'T WANT IT TO BE ONE OF THOSE DAYS.
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Ruby:
...jammed my finger on the wall trying to turn on the light. Fuck everything.
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Ruby:
Casey...I am the most miserable of all creatures right now....
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Me:
Omfg, I totally forgot you'd been texting me all morning, these are great.
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Ruby:
Is that what you think of whenever I text you? The quality of my texts? Are you just using me to become internet famous? I'm glad my texts entertain you but I am a sad rock AND I REFUSE TO BE USED.
Ruby's drinking continued..
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Ruby:
Bitch.
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Ruby:
I'm gonna make Jordan battlesnakes.
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Ruby:
I just played my first game of battlesnakes!
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Me:
...what the what..
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Ruby:
Fighting without arms.
Jun 18
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Ruby:
Jordans 21st tonight.
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Ruby:
We've got a fifth, a 24 pack, and a 6 pack.
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Ruby:
Drunk dialing you tonight.
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Ruby:
I am so bad at drinkin games.
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Me:
It's okay, me too.
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Ruby:
Please tell me that URL.
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Ruby:
Something I was gonna tell you: Casey made a Tumblr of all the dumb shit I text her.
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Me:
...yep...
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Ruby:
Why do I accidentally text you of all people, all the time?