Shit Ruby Says

Jul 15

Ruby: Oh my lord. omg. Some girl just pulled down her shirt and bra in the middle of the store so her friend could take a pic of her boob job.
Ruby: AHH THEY JUST HAD TO RETAKE THE PHOTO THIS IS MORE NUDITY THAN I BARGAINED FOR TODAY.
Ruby: Blew my nose and the snot looked like a butterfly!

Ruby: Dude this morning they were playing that song about it being friday night, it's like dude it's monday morning.
Ruby: I might spend too much time watching the ice rink, I dreamed I was ice skating last night.
Ruby: My lord I am ready to kill myself. I've still got like four and a half hours left to go.
Ruby: If i ever got pregnant by a South America, naming my son amigo.

Ruby: Dude, my lord, this morning I remembered the funniest thing.
Ruby: Indian pants are mostly cotton, with a drawstring to hol them up. So I had just gotten to India, and was wearing drawstring pants, had to pee SO bad, but they were tied in an insanely tight monster knot and I tried to untie them so hard by I couldn't and I had to pee for something like 7 hours until I couldn't stand it anymore and I literally hulked my way out of my pants, shredded them with my bare hands off of my body, and after I peed I was like, fuck, now I don't have any pants.

Ruby: ..I keep accidentally gleeking when I yawn now which is all the time cause I stayed up all night practicing gleeking. Circle of death shit right there.
Ruby: I gleeked on my library book! Which, I should mention is the fourth book I've read in 4 days.

Ruby: ...when you don't reply immediately sometimes I assume it's cause you're busy updating tumblr, and I get all paranoid and I'm like "Ruby, you best check yoself before you wreck yoself"
Ruby: ...or that you're sucking face. O.O

Ruby: I think I'm on the verge of learning to gleek, like y'know, squirting spit out of your mouth?
Me: DUDE I CAN SO DO THAT.
Ruby: I'm real proud, I've aspired to this for years.
Ruby: No. Way.
Ruby: My tongue ring was crucial to this discovery.
Ruby: It's already improving my life for the better.
Ruby: I can now do it whenever I want..if I'm yawning..
Ruby: ....just accidentally drooled all over myself..yeah I'm lying in bed practicing my gleeking, nbd.
Me: AHAHAHHA OMFG Marc and I are dying right now.
Ruby: Sluuuut
Ruby: Next time I see you, Ima gleek in yo face.

Ruby: So I decided last night that drinking more would cure the remnants of my hangover...which it did, temporarily :(
Me: Ruby...That is not your brightest moment.
Ruby: Ima go ahead and blame peer pressure. I only had like three shots and...4 beers? I was so far behind everyone, my friend was at 9 shots when I left.
Ruby: My other friend didn't know how much he'd had because he drinks his vodka by the glass...
Ruby: #Exchangie parties.

Ruby: OH MY LORD I JUST THREW UP A LITTLE IN MY MOUTH BECAUSE WALKING MADE ME MOTION SICK. I DON'T WANT IT TO BE ONE OF THOSE DAYS.
Ruby: ...jammed my finger on the wall trying to turn on the light. Fuck everything.
Ruby: Casey...I am the most miserable of all creatures right now....
Me: Omfg, I totally forgot you'd been texting me all morning, these are great.
Ruby: Is that what you think of whenever I text you? The quality of my texts? Are you just using me to become internet famous? I'm glad my texts entertain you but I am a sad rock AND I REFUSE TO BE USED.

Ruby: Something I was gonna tell you: Casey made a Tumblr of all the dumb shit I text her.
Me: ...yep...
Ruby: Why do I accidentally text you of all people, all the time?