Shit Ruby Says

Ruby: ...I just accidentally got orange juice in my own ear.

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 07:49:44 -0400

Ruby: ...I just accidentally got orange juice in my own ear.
Ruby: I wish I hadn't thrown away my snot butterfly.
Ruby: I would mail it to you.
Ruby: Song idea: Summertiiiiime and the mall cops are easy.

Ruby: Oh my lord. omg. Some girl just pulled down her shirt and bra in the middle of the store so her friend could take a pic of her boob job.

Sat, 14 Jul 2012 15:57:19 -0400

Ruby: Oh my lord. omg. Some girl just pulled down her shirt and bra in the middle of the store so her friend could take a pic of her boob job.
Ruby: AHH THEY JUST HAD TO RETAKE THE PHOTO THIS IS MORE NUDITY THAN I BARGAINED FOR TODAY.
Ruby: Blew my nose and the snot looked like a butterfly!

Ruby: Dude this morning they were playing that song about it being friday night, it's like dude it's monday morning.

Sat, 14 Jul 2012 07:58:36 -0400

Ruby: Dude this morning they were playing that song about it being friday night, it's like dude it's monday morning.
Ruby: I might spend too much time watching the ice rink, I dreamed I was ice skating last night.
Ruby: My lord I am ready to kill myself. I've still got like four and a half hours left to go.
Ruby: If i ever got pregnant by a South America, naming my son amigo.

Ruby: Dude, my lord, this morning I remembered the funniest thing.

Fri, 13 Jul 2012 16:01:01 -0400

Ruby: Dude, my lord, this morning I remembered the funniest thing.
Ruby: Indian pants are mostly cotton, with a drawstring to hol them up. So I had just gotten to India, and was wearing drawstring pants, had to pee SO bad, but they were tied in an insanely tight monster knot and I tried to untie them so hard by I couldn't and I had to pee for something like 7 hours until I couldn't stand it anymore and I literally hulked my way out of my pants, shredded them with my bare hands off of my body, and after I peed I was like, fuck, now I don't have any pants.

Ruby: ..I keep accidentally gleeking when I yawn now which is all the time cause I stayed up all night practicing gleeking. Circle of death shit right there.

Fri, 13 Jul 2012 07:53:57 -0400

Ruby: ..I keep accidentally gleeking when I yawn now which is all the time cause I stayed up all night practicing gleeking. Circle of death shit right there.
Ruby: I gleeked on my library book! Which, I should mention is the fourth book I've read in 4 days.

Ruby: ...when you don't reply immediately sometimes I assume it's cause you're busy updating tumblr, and I get all paranoid and I'm like "Ruby, you best check yoself before you wreck yoself"

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 16:00:43 -0400

Ruby:...when you don't reply immediately sometimes I assume it's cause you're busy updating tumblr, and I get all paranoid and I'm like "Ruby, you best check yoself before you wreck yoself"
Ruby: ...or that you're sucking face. O.O

Ruby: I think I'm on the verge of learning to gleek, like y'know, squirting spit out of your mouth?

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 07:43:30 -0400

Ruby: I think I'm on the verge of learning to gleek, like y'know, squirting spit out of your mouth?
Me: DUDE I CAN SO DO THAT.
Ruby: I'm real proud, I've aspired to this for years.
Ruby: No. Way.
Ruby: My tongue ring was crucial to this discovery.
Ruby: It's already improving my life for the better.
Ruby: I can now do it whenever I want..if I'm yawning..
Ruby:....just accidentally drooled all over myself..yeah I'm lying in bed practicing my gleeking, nbd.
Me: AHAHAHHA OMFG Marc and I are dying right now.
Ruby: Sluuuut
Ruby: Next time I see you, Ima gleek in yo face.

Ruby: WHAT KIND OF BEES MAKE MILK?

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 16:02:34 -0400

Ruby: WHAT KIND OF BEES MAKE MILK?
Me: ....
Ruby: BOOBEES.
Me: Ruby that's not funny..

Ruby: No, I don't need water, I've got beer.

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 08:02:12 -0400

Ruby: No, I don't need water, I've got beer.

Ruby: So I decided last night that drinking more would cure the remnants of my hangover...which it did, temporarily :(

Wed, 20 Jun 2012 16:02:18 -0400

Ruby: So I decided last night that drinking more would cure the remnants of my hangover...which it did, temporarily :(
Me: Ruby...That is not your brightest moment.
Ruby: Ima go ahead and blame peer pressure. I only had like three shots and...4 beers? I was so far behind everyone, my friend was at 9 shots when I left.
Ruby: My other friend didn't know how much he'd had because he drinks his vodka by the glass...
Ruby: #Exchangie parties.

Ruby: Dude, still so nauseous. Do you think thai food will help?

Wed, 20 Jun 2012 07:49:03 -0400

Ruby: Dude, still so nauseous. Do you think thai food will help?
Me: no haha.
Ruby: Thai food did great things for my hangover.

The morning after..

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 16:04:09 -0400

Ruby: OH MY LORD I JUST THREW UP A LITTLE IN MY MOUTH BECAUSE WALKING MADE ME MOTION SICK. I DON'T WANT IT TO BE ONE OF THOSE DAYS.
Ruby: ...jammed my finger on the wall trying to turn on the light. Fuck everything.
Ruby: Casey...I am the most miserable of all creatures right now....
Me: Omfg, I totally forgot you'd been texting me all morning, these are great.
Ruby: Is that what you think of whenever I text you? The quality of my texts? Are you just using me to become internet famous? I'm glad my texts entertain you but I am a sad rock AND I REFUSE TO BE USED.

Ruby's drinking continued..

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 07:54:05 -0400

Ruby: Bitch.
Ruby: I'm gonna make Jordan battlesnakes.
Ruby: I just played my first game of battlesnakes!
Me: ...what the what..
Ruby: Fighting without arms.

Ruby: Jordans 21st tonight.

Mon, 18 Jun 2012 16:07:05 -0400

Ruby: Jordans 21st tonight.
Ruby: We've got a fifth, a 24 pack, and a 6 pack.
Ruby: Drunk dialing you tonight.
Ruby: I am so bad at drinkin games.
Me: It's okay, me too.
Ruby: Please tell me that URL.

Ruby: Something I was gonna tell you: Casey made a Tumblr of all the dumb shit I text her.

Mon, 18 Jun 2012 07:57:11 -0400

Ruby: Something I was gonna tell you: Casey made a Tumblr of all the dumb shit I text her.
Me: ...yep...
Ruby: Why do I accidentally text you of all people, all the time?

Ruby: Oh my lord. This guy just farted soooo loud. We're the only ones in the store, so awk. Ahahah.

Sun, 17 Jun 2012 15:54:16 -0400

Ruby: Oh my lord. This guy just farted soooo loud. We're the only ones in the store, so awk. Ahahah.

Ruby: How terrible is it that I bought some weed that turned out (I think) to be laced, and Just kept smoking it?

Sun, 17 Jun 2012 07:52:53 -0400

Ruby: How terrible is it that I bought some weed that turned out (I think) to be laced, and Just kept smoking it?
Me: ...a little terrible.
Ruby: After I got used to the face that it makes me hallucinate, I was pretty okay it it.
Ruby: /I would forget that it did that until after I had smoked and was already hallucinating.

Ruby: Getting a manicure, first time since 8th grade, pretty excite.

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 23:08:58 -0400

Ruby: Getting a manicure, first time since 8th grade, pretty excite.
Ruby: Trying to stop chewing my nails.
Ruby: (After sending 3 pictures from Claire's) Can you tell I think handlebar moustaches are the shit?
Ruby: Saw a geeksquad car, the driver was black. I laughed a little.
Me: Ruby, I have not replied in three hours.
Ruby: I am fully aware of that.
Me: I'm making out. Quit distracting us >.<
Ruby: I FOUND THE TUMBLR
Ruby: Also, you're a slut.

Ruby takes up song writing.

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 23:00:04 -0400

Ruby: I'm gonna write a song, it's gonna be a lot like the song "I'm in love with a stripper" but instead of stripper, it'll be mall cop. It's gonna be great.
Ruby: I just might work on that tomorrow at work

You guys will get a copy of that. I promise.

Ruby: Your excellency is probably the best title in existence.

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 22:46:31 -0400

Ruby: Your excellency is probably the best title in existence.
Ruby: It just, fucking says it all.